Defining "Cool"

I celebrated a birthday last weekend. While I'm not one of those people who looks upon every birthday with dread, I have to say that every post-40 birthday has been a little tougher than my thirty-something birthdays were. But with age comes wisdom and I've learned a lot, especially these last couple of birthdays.

I've never been afraid of getting old. My hair has been going gray since my mid-twenties, though I refuse to totally let nature take it's course and still color it from time to time. I'm starting to get a few "laugh lines" around my eyes, but I think they give me character. No, it's not a fear of aging that plagues me; my phobia goes much deeper than that. To sum it up, it's the fear of no longer being - wait for it - COOL.

Now anyone who has teenagers will tell you that in their eyes, you were never cool, you will never be cool, you COULD never be cool. It's just not possible. I mean, how cool is the person who tells you to clean your room, eat all your vegetables and finish your homework? But I want them to know that there is another me besides the "God, you're SO MEAN MOM!" me that they've known all their lives.

I mean, when I was in school, even though I wore glasses and braces and was pretty much a big dork, there was an inner me that was cool. I mean, really cool. I loved the Three Stooges, Monty Python and The Young Ones. I loved heavy metal, hard rock, alternative and punk music. In fact, I went to so many concerts that my entire wardrobe consisted of black concert tees. I hung out with bad boys, cut class, smoked and drank with abandon. (Okay, I don't want my kids to know about THAT!) But I was COOL! Or so I thought.

Then as I started to get older, I realized that concert tees, smoking and drinking aren't the things that really make you cool. Cool is an attitude; it's a certain something that people either have or they don't. It's an intangible concept. What I discovered is, cool is in the eye of the beholder.

I found that people thought the fact that I was kind of funny in a weird, twisted sort of way was pretty cool. I found that my ability to recite all the movie lines from Airplane, The Naked Gun, Monty Python's The Holy Grail and Animal House made me kind of cool. When I married Kirby, he told me that one of the things that made him love me so much was that it was cool to have a wife who would remind him that football was about to come on, instead of trying to get him to go shopping for shoes with me. I think the fact that I've raised three amazing, smart and really gut-bustingly funny kids is pretty damned cool too.

I have a wonderful marriage to a guy who, in my opinion, is the epitome of cool. He's super smart and challenges me in a way no other person ever has. He's opinionated, stubborn and stands up for what he believes in no matter the price. He is a soldier, a defender of our country and I think that is pretty cool too. And it's really cool to me that he looks hot in his uniform too! I think it's cool that, when we became grandparents together early this year, he cried right along with me the first time we held our beautiful grandson. I think it's cool that he loves to goo-goo and gaa-gaa over Benjamin, and the way he looks at his grandson like he is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I have some of the coolest friends in the world. But they aren't cool because of their jobs, or their cars or the size of their homes. They are cool because they are some of the most kind-hearted, loving, loyal and always there for you kinds of friends. They are friends that would pick you up at the airport, for crying out loud! They are friends that have laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated good times with me and mourned losses with me. My closest friends are people who have been my friends for over thirty years and we still think each other is the bee's knees. I think that's pretty cool.

And now that I'm 42, with gray hair, wrinkles and boobs that headed south a few birthdays ago, I'm still pretty cool. I'm cool because of my family, my friends, and all the blessings that I've been given. I'm cool because I love my life and wouldn't trade it with anyone. I'm really and truly soul-deep happy; in my opinion, that's the real definition of cool.